1. |
young at heart again.
03:27
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Standing at the edge of it
I feel like I’m 17 again
Listening to my old songs
I thought could break me
Fingers clasped into my own
In the fetal position on my throne
Wild slipknot dreams cannot shake me
Up til 3, I read your note
You passed me in the halls and it stopped my throat
I’m 17 again, and this is crazy
Ripping at the seams,
Razor blades and screams
Poems in my notebooks and twisted dreams
Alcohol could stop time and time could stop me
But one, one day the clock
Picked up where it stopped
With Linkin Park and Green Day
American Idiot lives in my head
Thoughts that I thought were dead
Sink back into replay
Settled at the other side
Of this different stage in my life
I’m young at heart again
And this is crazy
Sinking at the brink of it
Just when I stop thinking of it
I listen to my old songs
I thought had shaped me
Fingers clasped on the steering wheel
Down 80 West, it’s getting real
These fucking playlists always seem to get me
I could be a teen, or 30, babe
These songs still help me find a way
Back to the core of me, if I could save me
Settled at the other side
Of this different stage in my life
I’m young at heart again
And this is crazy
Ripping at the seams,
Razor blades and screams
Poems in my notebooks and twisted dreams
Alcohol could stop time and time could stop me
But one, one day the clock
Picked up where it stopped
With Linkin Park and Green Day
American Idiot lives in my head
Thoughts that I thought were dead
Sink back into replay
Settled at the other side
Of this different stage in my life
I’m young at heart again
And this is crazy
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2. |
pieces.
03:48
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Sinkin’ like a stone
The words are so unknown
And I once was gold
Enraptured in your kiss
Brushing fingertips
And I once was cold
You’re asking me to speak
But since I don’t feel like me
It’s emptying out all I’ve been told
Trauma based in fear are like electricians in my ear
The wiring is cut and my shell has been sold
Piece by piece, piece by piece
Pieces tie and are broken in the light
Memory fades and pushes my old self out of sight
I hear you today, and then I see myself cry
Disassociating from my own demise
The milk was spilled onto a galaxy on the floor
Riches, rags and filth are all the same
And they’re at my door
Trying to put back together all of the pieces I was before
Condemning all I’ve been and so much more
Piece by piece, piece by piece
Pieces tie and are broken in the light
Memory fades and pushes my old self out of sight
I hear you today, and then I see myself cry
Disassociating from my own demise
Because pieces tie, because pieces tie
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3. |
on the wire.
05:01
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And so I, I, I write
A story as, as, as big as the sky
The planets knew that we, we would align
What good are dreams this big, if you don’t even fight?
It’s on the tip of my tongue
And I won’t even run away
It’s in the look in your eyes
And the words that I’m scared to say
It’s in a lot of different things that I can’t even try to convey
You made me write this song
In a town that I don’t want to stay
And it’s another chapter in this
Story ending, I thought
I knew the plot twist, but then it crashed and I bought
Stock in new beginnings
Thinking all these new thoughts
And so I, I, I smile
With something real in me, I hadn’t felt in a while
It’s not just you, it’s just how hope catches fire
The spirit just flows through
When you walk on the wire
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4. |
the cause.
04:25
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Constantly moved by the gravity
And the weight of all the brevity inside me
I don’t know whether it is selfishness
I feel too much, am I flawed by this intensity?
Is this the cause of all the fears living inside me?
There’s a balance there in feeding them
Or starving all that I’ve ever been
It’s deafening
Look in your closet, what do you find
A thousand different colors for your state of mind
But you’re broken
And you snap pictures for your instagram
While your best friends says you’ve abandoned them
Are you woke, then?
Am I damn near as delicate
as my dysphoric heart could care to admit
Am I sinking?
Or have you taken the best of me
With every shot we took at Emerald street
Did you shake me?
Is this the cause of all the fears living inside me?
There’s a balance there in feeding them
Or starving all that I’ve ever been
It’s deafening
Is this the cause of all the fears living inside me?
There’s a balance there in feeding them
Or starving all that I’ve ever been
It’s deafening
Cross the line, can you cross the line?
Is anything what we seem to find?
Or do we all just drink our lies?
Your weight in gold, your weight in gold
These thoughts are heavier than we were told
I’m grasping hard to know my soul
And you don’t know me, you don’t know
You don’t know
Is this the cause of all the fears living inside me?
There’s a balance there in feeding them
Or starving all that I’ve ever been
It’s deafening
Is this the cause of all the fears living inside me?
Is this the cause of all the fears living inside me?
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5. |
greg.
02:47
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(In unison:
She’s a mother with a pain
Written on my fathers face
Seen in my brothers’ eyes)
In 6th grade you held my hand
In a spaceship in a faraway land
I dreamt of things I could not see
And we didn’t get along
And times that I was wrong
I was too young, but on my tongue—
And this is my memory
It’s all I have left to sing
And hold onto, in a world without you
VHS tapes of your face
All of it is just in case
The love I share, proves no one there
(In unison:
She’s a mother with a pain
Written on my fathers face
Seen in my brothers’ eyes)
And this date holds too much weight
These words feel too damn late
Just last year, I felt you near
Because it’s been way too hard
Went to Chicago, did the job
But I’m not sure, you see me anymore
(In unison:
She’s a mother with a pain
Written on my fathers face
Seen in my brothers’ eyes)
And it’s my part to carry on
Your memory, lest it will fade
And nobody knows your name
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6. |
until we die.
02:58
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Well did the world go right?
Or did the moon just fly?
What if the colors of the sky
Had never burned so bright?
And I’m dissecting all the times
You looked me in the yes
Oh, nothing is carved in stone until we die
Oh, nothing is carved in stone until we die
And while I cracked open
And all the good shit spread
I never thought of closing
Meant every word I said
Oh and the energy, oh the fire went wild
Lay it down on me, I can take it for a while
And I’m dissecting all the times
You looked me in the eyes
Oh, nothing is carved in stone until we die
Oh, nothing is carved in stone until we die
Oh, is nothing ever real until it’s right?
Am I doomed to just repeat this same life?
And I’m dissecting all the times
You looked me in the yes
Oh, nothing is carved in stone until we die
Oh, nothing is carved in stone until we die
Oh, is nothing ever real until it’s right?
Am I doomed to just repeat this same life?
Maybe the world’s still right
Maybe I’ll still fly
Maybe one goodbye, can transcend the night
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7. |
my mind.
03:23
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When it’s nice outside
When I want to die
Can you hear? Can you figure it out?
The acoustics in this room are what this is about
And my mind is going all these ways
Who would want a woman whose heart fucking caves?
And I know, I’m against myself
But this warm weather hasn’t fucking helped
When it’s nice outside
When I sink and cry
Can I fix this? Can I fix my heart?
I’ve done it before but it’s so hard to restart
And it always feels so good
Staring down the barrel
I swear I could make this work
And my mind is going all these ways
Who would want a woman whose heart fucking caves?
And I know, I’m against myself
But this warm weather hasn’t fucking helped
When it’s nice outside
When I write about these times
Can I stop? Can I listen hard?
I might need your help to just jumpstart my heart
And my mind is going all these ways
Who would want a woman whose heart fucking caves?
And I know, I’m against myself
But this warm weather hasn’t fucking helped
When it’s nice outside, when it’s…
[I was part of this songwriting group for a bit, and I miss it. It changed the way that I wrote songs.]
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8. |
one more time.
04:18
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Seeking a ghost all the time
Searching for life, livin’ a lie
One day it fades, one day it dies
Step out a-new, reachin’ for sky
Cause in my heart’s song, in my troubled stare
All I know, is life’s not fair
But there’s another side, one that I have tried
And life comes through, one more time
Every day I fuckin’ try
Not to reverse back to 25
Sometimes life feels small
Then stretches wide
Counting my breaths and gripping
The sides of these walls
And I try 20 more times to get it right
Til I surrender
And all the feelings I’m holding in tight
Oh, they are exposed like the snow in the winter
Muddying days and flooding the nights
I found you tonight, you stuck like a splinter
And the seed you planted in my heart
Is starting to burst now, and rise like a twister
Cause in my heart’s song, in my troubled stare
All I know, is life’s not fair
But there’s another side, one that I have tried
And life comes through, one more time
Something is desperate, clawng inside
Searching for verses, make it make sense tonight
The voices are real, the voices need light
Try this again, try to explain this side of my mind
And I try 20 more times to get it right
Til I surrender
And all the feelings I’m holding in tight
Oh, they are exposed like the snow in the winter
Muddying days and flooding the nights
I found you tonight, you stuck like a splinter
And the seed you planted in my heart
Is starting to burst now, and rise like a twister
Cause in my heart’s song, in my troubled stare
All I know, is life’s not fair
But there’s another side, one that I have tried
And life comes through, one more time
Cause in my heart’s song, in my troubled stare
All I know, is life’s not fair
But there’s another side, one that I have tried
And life comes through, one more time
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9. |
heat index.
03:20
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When I’m sitting on the porch
Facing Brooks Avenue
Gazing up at the same stars
That are facing you
In the same dream, sometimes it seems
I am here with you
Thousands of miles disappear within our view
Cause I’m convinced they made the tall buildings
So we can’t connect
Take the El into the city, breakin’ our necks
Thousands of people seeking a dream
Facing a bullet proof vest
But out here, it’s so clear
Flying wanderless, flying wanderless
Flying wanderless, yes
When I’m sitting passenger side
Taking the deepest breaths
This once was a dream, now it’s unrest
Escaping the tar, the brick and the mortar
And the damn heat index
Some will judge and they will scorn
The life I think is best
Cause I’m convinced they made the tall buildings
So we can’t connect
Take the El into the city, breakin’ our necks
Thousands of people seeking a dream
Facing a bullet proof vest
But out here, it’s so clear
Flying wanderless, flying wanderless
Flying wanderless, yes
And it’s the bullet I took and you’d take for me
And it’s the song I write for the song that you couldn’t sing
And it’s the words I wrote and the words that stay in me
And it’s the bullet I took and you’d take for me
And it’s the song I write for the song that you couldn’t sing
And it’s the words I wrote and the words that stay in me
When I’m sitting on the porch, facing Brooks Avenue...
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